Growing up, Pop always used the phrase The Big "A" when we were excited about something. The "A," of course, standing for anticipation. He would say, "Anticipation is 90% of the satisfaction!" Let me tell you, I no more enjoy anticipation now than I did all those years ago. The other Big "A" that I don't deal well with would be adoption.
I started this blog as a chronicle of our journey to becoming a family of 3 (well 5 if you count Mattie and Fen), and yet my posts are NEVER about adoption. Whether that is a subconscious or conscious choice, I am really not sure. I know how much I love reading about other people's journeys yet I cannot bring myself to share ours. For one thing, so far it has been a surreal whirlwind of emotions, highs and lows. I find myself so internally conflicted about adoption a large portion of the time. Uncertainty never sits well with me, and adoption is all about uncertainty. Trusting that what is meant to be, will in fact be. The philosopher in me believes that in theory, but everyone knows theory and practice are two very different animals.
My mom keeps telling me to let go and let God do His work. Again, great thought but not realistic for me. I am a person of action. Ask me how quickly I had our paperwork filled out! We have only been waiting for 4 months. In fact, when I checked to see how long it had been, I was surprised that we had already crossed the 4 month mark. It doesn't seem long, but in some ways, it seems forever long. I think if I had an end date in mind after which we would have a child, I could wait somewhat patiently. But alas, I do not. Anyway, it felt good to get some of that off my chest. Here's to waiting!
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