To write or not to write

One of my lifelong dreams is to author a book. I began writing shortly after I ended a difficult relationship with my college boyfriend.  I wrote some edgier vignettes and poems that were fairly good, but nothing I would want to turn into something bigger. I have toyed with the idea of a novel with a main character who would strike a resemblance to me. The problem with doing that is that I would not want to reveal some of the more interesting parts of my past, and those are the parts that would make an interesting story.

The other part I struggle with is what the book would be about.  What have I learned in my (gasp) almost 30 years that would make a compelling story? I think the seed idea is essential to telling a good story, and I frankly am at a loss for one. I have very little experience with creative writing. I have some non-fiction experience from college when I wrote for The State Times and The Freeman's Journal. Maybe a magazine article or a column would be a better place to start.  Maybe I should pay more attention to the essay contests that the magazines I read offer, and try one. I will never know unless I try.

Human Being or Human Doing?

This is another thought provoking question that has come in our Mindful Living class over the last two weeks. Our teacher argues (and I agree) that most of the time we are human doings. While it is sometimes impossible to avoid it, it is not a way to live. While I wholeheartedly agree with this idea, putting it into practice is much more difficult. Sometimes I get weighed down with what I "need" to do that I end up sacrificing what I want to do.  I have been trying to avoid some of the items on my to do list, but in the end, it only increases my anxiety. What do you do when you can't really delete items?  


I need to find a compromise. But how? In my mind, it is difficult to separate relaxing from laziness, idleness from wastefulness.  I know I need to re-charge, but I cannot stop my responsibilities so easily. There will always be work to do, clothes to wash, dogs to walk, and appointments to keep.  


I found this quote, and I agree with it. Now I need to embrace it!


"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."  ~John Lubbock

This is it

That was one of the messages from our Mindful Living class that really hit home for me.  I am someone who is always looking for what comes next, which is NOT living in the present. Our teacher told us to stop looking for the next step, and to say, "this is it." This is where I am supposed to be and this is what I am supposed to be doing right now.

We were given homework this week as a way to incorporate what we have learned. My homework is to drive to work each day by taking a different route. The point is to break the auto-pilot behaviors in my day. I admit it has been a bit challenging for me to do this because I always take the direct (read: shortest) route. In a way, it seems silly to take the longer route. I admit that I am enjoying it. Yesterday, the sunrise was beautiful with the mist coming off the water. My drive to work is breathtaking, and yet I rarely take a breath to enjoy it. I also turned off the radio and was alone with my thoughts and feelings. While it was odd, it was quite peaceful. I did not think about work or my day, but rather I focused on my blessings.

I am trying to work in small moments into my day where I can just be. Just breath. It feels so good to take a small (2-3 minutes) total break and close my eyes. I jokingly call it my happy place, and indeed, it is. It is a place to stop being frantic, stop worrying about the future, stop trying to control what cannot be controlled. Sometimes, I just have to let life be what it will be. While it is terrifying, it is also wonderfully freeing.

My DIY

Inspiration:

Our variation:

More nursery pics!

Shelf? Check!

I am so loving it!

Sneak Peak

Just a few new nursery items!

We decided to use curtains to cover the closet instead of the boring white doors that came with the house. We will probably need white panels behind these sheers. (Source: Little Boutique, babiesrus.com)

After much searching, we finally decided on this! I love the openings and how it looks a bit funky.  I like the cubes because we can store books, our piggy bank, a picture frame, and toys! (Source: Closetmaid, amazon.com)

This shelf was originally purchased for our book shelf, but it is pink.  We had the idea to paint it white, which isn't as easy as we thought. It has taken multiple coats of primer, and still isn't looking great. Since it was only $50 at Target, we decided to keep painting!  We will use it in the closet for additional storage. Since we only have the dresser that is attached to the changing table, we thought extra storage would be useful. Once it is all finished, I will re-post.

Just Being

Dave and I started a 4-week long course yesterday called Mindful Living.  It focuses on being present in the here and now, and paying attention to yourself and your life. Living in the present is a concept that I have always struggled with.  For as long as I can remember, I have always wondered what was going to happen next. My dad would often get frustrated and say that "my balloon never lands." While I didn't get what he meant at the time, I do now. Believe it or not (maybe it is easy to believe), but this type of thinking is very stressful.  I consider myself to be an optimistic person, but fixating on the future is, in a sense, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  While I could write a whole post about why I disagree with the waiting for the shoe to drop philosophy, I must admit that I am guilty of it on a subconscious level.  I asked Dave last night if, once we had a baby, I could live in the now.  I think having that huge question mark over our lives is taking a toll on me, but it is not a stressor that I would immediately identify if you asked me.

We also talked about time.  Time is an obsession of mine, and I wish it weren't.  I am so tied to time. What time is it? How long do I have to do this task? What if I am late? I don't have enough time! Our teacher had us stop and be still for 60 seconds.  We were not supposed to think about anything, just be.  I thought it would be hard for me, but it actually felt freeing. I think I need to make time to take time outs.  In reality, most of the "deadlines" in my life are imposed by me, which means that I can change them! It makes me wonder about my priorities, and I think I will think about my To Do List in a different way. Maybe I will use two columns: Must Do and Do At Some Point.  I do not want to be a stress case.

Another interesting lesson we learned last night was about the body's response to stress.  While we all know that stress is bad, but what I did not know is that our bodies cannot differentiate between levels of stressors when it comes to reactions.  For example, our body reacts the same way if our lives are threatened as if a co-worker calls in sick.  Wow. That was so eye-opening for me. Any stressor sends our body into the fight or flight reaction, complete with hormones and all! Who knew?! The good news is that one of the things we are slated to learn are ways to stop the body's hyped-up reaction when it is not warranted.

ABC

Joining the ABC bandwagon. And like a fellow blogger said, who I stole ALL of this from, "All the cool kids are doing it right???"


A~Age: 29

B~ Bed Size: Queen

C~Chore you hate: All of them except for dishes and laundry

D~Dogs: 2 Mattie and Fen

E~Essential Start your Day Item: Coffee

F~Favorite Color:  Kelly Green

G~Gold or Silver: Silver

H~Height: 5'7"

I~Instruments you play: None, luckily for my family

J~Job Title:  English Teacher, 7 and 9

K~Kids: Yep...90 of them daily, in my classes. My own? Not yet. ;( Hopefully soon, though!

L~Live: NY

M~Mom’s Name: Diane

N~Nicknames: G$, Shel, Frit

O~Overnight Hospital Stays:  a few but I block them out

P~Pet Peeve: People who are negative

Q~Quote from a Movie: hmm, lemme think on this one

R~Right or Left Handed: Right

S~Siblings: Jess and Amanda

T~Time you wake up: 5:15

U~Underwear: Every day!

V~Vegetable you Dislike: Brussel Sprouts , tomatoes

W~What Makes You Late: I don't understand this question

X~X-rays You’ve had Done: Teeth, arm, ankle, shoulder

Y~Yummy Food you Make: Chili

Z~Zoo Animal Favorite: Monkeys!

In honor of the cold

I found this picture of the day we arrived in Boston in August...