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Saturday, April 27, 2013

8 Months!

Sorry this post is a bit late...but LX is 8 months old!!


It has been another big month for LX!  He now has 2 teeth on the bottom and his front teeth are starting to cut through.  He is moving like a champ!  While he isn't crawling quite yet, he is up on his hands and knees.  He also uses his arms to pull himself forward and he rolls, so it is only a matter of time.  

LX has some new activities that he enjoys.  He loves going to the library and to the park.  We take walks almost every day.  He also loves chasing the dogs!  Nothing makes him laugh harder than when one of their tails is within grabbing distance.  His favorite toys are blocks, books (to chew), and anything that makes music.  We have a set of baby instruments, and he loves to play the morracca and the bells.   I play the harmonica and the drum and we have quite a time!  He is very tactile, exploring everything with his hands.  There is nothing that doesn't interest him from the carpet on the floor to whatever is on the table or in our hands! 

His voice is really coming out too.  He is often "talking."  Sometimes if Dave and I are talking at dinner, he will kind of shout "ahhhhhhh" over us to be heard!  It is so funny!  He also likes to make that noise in the middle of the night for no reason.  Aside from that, he is still a great sleeper.  Bath is still a favorite time of day for him.  We plan to take him for baby swim lessons this summer.

He is such a happy boy, and we love him so much!

Monday, April 22, 2013

You're the Result of Yourself


You're the Result of Yourself
Pablo Neruda

Don't blame anyone, never complain of anyone or anything
Because basically you have made of your life what you wanted.
Accept the difficulties of edifying yourself
And the worth of starting to correct your character.
The triumph of the true man arises from the ashes of his mistakes.
Never complain of your loneliness or your luck.
Face it with courage and accept it.
Somehow, they are the result of your acts and
It shows that you'll always win.
Don't feel frustrated of your own failures, neither unload them to someone else.
Accept yourself now or you'll go on justifying yourself like a child.
Remember that any time is good to start
And that no time is so good to give up.
Don't forget that the cause of your present is your past,
As the cause of your future will be your present.
Learn from the brave, from the strong,
From who doesn't accept situations
From who will live in spite of everything.
Think less of your problems and more of your work.
Learn to arise from your pain,
And to be greater than the greatest of your obstacles.
Look at the mirror of yourself and you'll be free and strong
And you'll stop being a puppet of circumstances.
For you yourself are your destiny.
Wake up and stare at the sun in the mornings and breathe the sun of dawn.
You're part of the strength of your life now,
Rise up, fight, walk, be sure and you'll win in life.
Don't ever think of 'fate'
For fate is the excuse of failures.

Friday, April 12, 2013

“It's about how you're like a lighthouse, always searching far into the distance. But the thing you're looking for is usually close to you and always has been. That's why you have to look within yourself to find answers instead of searching beyond.”  ~Susane Colasanti, Waiting For You

I have had this quote saved in my draft folder for quite a few months.  I love this quote, but I struggle to really write about it because in some ways it is true, and in some ways, it isn't.

I guess I will start with the ways that it is true.  For me, it is a question of are we always who we are meant to be deep down?  Maybe we are born enlightened and life takes it away year by year until we reach a turning point when we start getting our wisdom back.  Do we unravel ourselves only to put ourselves back together?  My life seems like that sometimes.  When I reflect upon much of how I have lived , it seems I am spending my adult life trying to make sense of it.  I think I understand, and yet I don't.  

It made me think of one of my therapeutic break throughs: I was so busy trying to seem perfect so that no one would notice and point out my flaws.  Back in high school and college, this was very true of how I acted and felt.  As long as the facade was good, it was good.  Even when it wasn't.  Even when it was so far from it.

But now, it is.  Now my life is SO good.  It makes me feel sad for the 20 year old me who thought she had it all together.  I am by no means completely together, far from it in fact.  I am closer though.  I don't even think that my infertility is 100% to blame for the mistakes and poor decisions in my life.  I know it is a large part, but I also know that I always had a choice, and sometimes I would chose wrong just because I could.  It felt like a free pass to hurt others like I was hurting.  Because life, in fact, isn't fair.  My life has always been a struggle between what I should do and what I want to do.  Maybe everyone's is.  I had operated one way for so many years that it is now a conscious choice to be kind, to listen, to be a good friend.  I hope that over time it becomes second nature, like it was at one point.  Maybe my new motto should be, "if you can't be nice, be quiet."  

I guess we are all works in progress, and how lucky we are that we get a whole life to transform.  I know it will take me a long time to get back to that girl who believed that all was fine, but I am getting there.