Just Being

Dave and I started a 4-week long course yesterday called Mindful Living.  It focuses on being present in the here and now, and paying attention to yourself and your life. Living in the present is a concept that I have always struggled with.  For as long as I can remember, I have always wondered what was going to happen next. My dad would often get frustrated and say that "my balloon never lands." While I didn't get what he meant at the time, I do now. Believe it or not (maybe it is easy to believe), but this type of thinking is very stressful.  I consider myself to be an optimistic person, but fixating on the future is, in a sense, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  While I could write a whole post about why I disagree with the waiting for the shoe to drop philosophy, I must admit that I am guilty of it on a subconscious level.  I asked Dave last night if, once we had a baby, I could live in the now.  I think having that huge question mark over our lives is taking a toll on me, but it is not a stressor that I would immediately identify if you asked me.

We also talked about time.  Time is an obsession of mine, and I wish it weren't.  I am so tied to time. What time is it? How long do I have to do this task? What if I am late? I don't have enough time! Our teacher had us stop and be still for 60 seconds.  We were not supposed to think about anything, just be.  I thought it would be hard for me, but it actually felt freeing. I think I need to make time to take time outs.  In reality, most of the "deadlines" in my life are imposed by me, which means that I can change them! It makes me wonder about my priorities, and I think I will think about my To Do List in a different way. Maybe I will use two columns: Must Do and Do At Some Point.  I do not want to be a stress case.

Another interesting lesson we learned last night was about the body's response to stress.  While we all know that stress is bad, but what I did not know is that our bodies cannot differentiate between levels of stressors when it comes to reactions.  For example, our body reacts the same way if our lives are threatened as if a co-worker calls in sick.  Wow. That was so eye-opening for me. Any stressor sends our body into the fight or flight reaction, complete with hormones and all! Who knew?! The good news is that one of the things we are slated to learn are ways to stop the body's hyped-up reaction when it is not warranted.