One topic in adoption that I haven't written about here is the Post Adoption Contact Agreement. This is a legal document that spells out the expectations for letters, phone calls, and visits. In our home state, PACA's exist, but they do not exist in the state where LX was born. Since that is the case, we do not have one. At first I thought it was bad not to have one, but in hindsight, I like it better. Not having one allows the relationship to take its natural course, whatever that may be.
Do we have a verbal agreement with LX's birth mom? YES! Will we live up to it? YES! We will because we believe it is important for him to know where he came from and to know that he was placed with us out of love. We agreed to two visits each year and we email monthly updates on his month birthdays. One aspect I like about our relationship with LX's birth mom is that is comfortable. We are in touch via email weekly. She shares with us what is happening in her life, such as getting into college and her first job. We ask her questions and tell her some of the cool things that LX is doing. She feels like a member of the family, much like a favorite cousin who you love dearly even though you don't see them often I think people may have a tough time understanding our relationship, but to us, it feels perfectly natural to have a hybrid relationship with someone who is much younger than we are. In fact, sometimes I do not even connect her with LX. That may sound crazy because I know she is his birth mom and I am grateful that she chose life and us for LX, but I like her independent of that fact. Which brings me to...
Yesterday, Dave, LX and I had a visit with LX's birth family. :-) We hadn't seen LX's birth mom since we were cleared for ICPC on September 15, so we were all looking forward to the reunion. We met up for ice cream half way between our homes. She brought her mom, her best friend, and her boyfriend. We just sat back in awe of this second family that we have, and we were so happy to see how much they love LX. His birth mom brought him two stuffed animals and an Easter basket! How thoughtful is that? Even though she isn't ready to be a mom, she sure does love our son. They must have taken 100 pictures as we shared stories of LX's latest milestones. He actually cut his first tooth that day. His birth mom was the first one to feel it, and for some reason it felt just right. Dave and I have a whole life of firsts to experience with him so it was nice that she got one as well.
Open adoption isn't for everyone, but it is working for us. I think many people fear open adoption or think it is co-parenting, which it is NOT. Unfortunately, Lifetime movies have given adoption and especially birth parents a bad rap. Believe it or not, an open adoption alleviates fears on both sides With it, we all know that we are all doing OK. We will never forget the gratitude that is owed to this young woman, and we want LX to know that we love all parts of him. He is and will continue to be a beautiful mix of all of us.
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